Thoughts & Feelings From One Year Ago (written but not posted )

Sometimes I sit and write at night….well, actually a lot of times I sit, write and never post.   I worrie what people may say or think.  Why???  Some people will read this and relate…some will take it personally…some will be inspired to change and some, well….could care less 😜.  So here is a previously written blog that I have decided to post.

Tomorrow marks  One year since I wrote this blog. I’m thinking it’s only appropriate that I go ahead and publish it tonight

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As I come out of what was an amazing weekend I can’t help but to sit and think about just one year ago and the hell myself and my family were dealing with. When I say it was an “amazing weekend” your first thought if you knew me would be “where did she go and what kinda trouble did she get herself into?” (Innocent trouble of course😇), but that was a year ago. Today my reality of an “amazing weekend” consisted of participating in two very special events. One for LLS “Light The Night DC” and one for Breast Cancer awareness. I sometimes get question about why I am involved in cancer causes that aren’t my own. It’s simple….BECAUSE CANCER DOES NOT DISCRIMINATE AND NEITHER DO I! (Not yelling I just want that point to get across loud and clear). Not sure why it should even make a difference to anyone but apparently it does….so, hope that settles the curiosity. To date, (at least that I have found) there are no big organizations out the advocating for ovarian cancer awareness but you had better believe I will stick my foot in that door as soon as it opens. LLS is responsible for over 1/2 of the cancer drugs out there today….October is known as the official “PINK MONTH”. Does this mean that the focus is only on the Tatas? Hell no! I believe that this month highlights cancers that women have to fight. Yes, breast cancer is at the forefront of it but hell, someone always has to be at the front of the line😜, right?   Beyond raising a crazy amount of money (over $1k) this year for cancer research and patient advocacy I love the interaction with patients and survivors. It’s some scary shit that these women are going thorough and regardless of there cancer color they are moms, wives, daughters and friends that are terrified and just need someone to talk to…relate to…connect with. I can’t lie, I need them as much as they need me. I will never forget the feelings, the pain, the sadness. Connecting with these women and supporting them wether it’s an ear to listen, beauty advice, slapping some eyelashes on them or just sharing our stories and letting them know what they’re going through is normal and they aren’t alone. That my friends…..#pricelessA beautiful young friend of mine just posted this: “One day it just clicks…you realize what’s important and what isn’t. You learn to care less about what other people think about you and more about what you think of yourself. You realize how far you’ve come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that they’d never recover. And then you smile. You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you’ve fought to become” AM.

I have struggled lately with my health as well as dealing with the life changes associated with this past year. When I read this post from this beautiful girl IT CLICKED….I realized what was important and what wasn’t, No need to care about people with negative thoughts about me (those are your insecurities and not mine) I’m a pretty freaking good person, mother and friend. I have come a long way in the last year and will continue to grow emotionally as well as professionally. Realizing this….I smiled and dried the tears that were falling down my cheek while writing….I am proud of the person that I have fought to be!  
Oh shit, I started out talking about my amazing weekend….back to that!

Friday night was the LLS Light The Night in Wash D.C. Can I tell you how freaking amazing this experience was!!! Walking past the capitol with a ridiculous number of people all there for the same reason. I walked beside Mikey and Evelyn, 2 of my very best friends❤️. It was fun, it was emotional and it raised a lot of freaking money for blood cancer research. I will definitely get more involved with this event next year and get the kids involved as well. (I’m still in recovery from the MWOY campaign😜) #somedayistoday  
On Monday I had the privilege of participating with the Washington Redskins All Star Survivor Day. (Thank you Sherry Gruden😉) 31 women currently battling breast cancer for invited to come and share the day with Redskin players, there wives and many volunteers there to make their day phenomenal. Best of all I was there as a supporter and not a survivor!!!! I was able connect with so many of the women! There stories were all so different…and the attitudes and spirits of these women were amazing. To see the smiles on there faces and hear the laughter in there voices is a memory that I will carry with me forever! The players exceeded any expectations that I had for them. They walked with them, held there hands…a few I saw treated them as if they were there own mothers. They sported hot pink 💄lipstick, sprayed there hair pink, and wore wigs💇🏻‍♂️. What great sports! Not one of them were to big, to proud or to famous to do whatever it took to make these women happy for the day.

What many of those players don’t realize is that when those women go home to reality, the memory of this one amazing day will lift them up so often on days when they are down. As I stood beside and talked to Tonya Snyder Tears welled up in her eyes, there were many misty eyes in that room (mine included)…there was no big sappy story about cancer, no Debbie Downer in the group. What we saw was 31 women with beautiful big smiles…many of us were once one of those 31, for that moment the combined feelings of happiness, sadness, fear, pain, joy and loneliness collided. You see…once you have cancer, you never forget those feelings. Those men and women were there to take that sadness, fears and pain away from those fighters for a short time….Just as much as the Redskins organization helped these women, I feel confident that the majority of the players, wives and volunteers left that day feeling great knowing that they were able to touch these women in such a special way. Thank you Redskins player, wives, Sherry and Jay, Allie and the Am.Cancer Society for allowing me to be apart of this special day! 😽

T,💙

This weekend I walked in the Va Light The Night and tomorrow I will again participate in the “All Star Survivor” event.

More to come ❤️

Why Is A EPT Test More Accurate Then A CA125 Test???

Is my head is spinning….or is it the world around me? Where is time going? Suddenly I have two teenagers…that in itself is a hard pill to swallow. Everything is going great, better then great! How could I be so lucky? Is it luck or is it fate? I guess the answer to that question depends on who you are and how you view life. 
As I sit here on the back deck full of anxiety, thinking about my last crazy week, I can’t help but wonder, Why me? (Dear God! that list is endless!) Why am I full of anxiety you may be asking….? I am 5 days away from my “cancerversary”. Yes, It is a word! With being so close to the day, I can’t help but feel the anxiety that I had leading up to the surgery. Also I am sitting here waiting for my latest test results. Ticktock Ticktock…. Don’t ever get possibly life altering test done on a Friday! It’s like waiting extra long to go to the Principal’s office to see if you are in trouble. Ugh! What most people don’t know is that my last test was June 2nd. With 0-35 being normal mine had risen 10 points to 26. Now, to take any possible “drama queen” out of this, I would could have a count of 1000 and still be ok. If only the CA125 test was as accurate as an EPT pregnancy test the world would be a better place. Line =’s cancer….no line =’s your good! Seems simple, but nope! So…as I wait for the results of this test knowing that I am nearly 9pts from tipping the scale my head starts to race. I start thinking about what was, what is and what could be. Let me break that one down:
What Was:
What I thought was a good life was in fact that. Good job, great kids, family, home blah blah blah. It was good because I had no idea what great could be. It was good because I was always busy doing things I loved with people that I loved or should I say people that I thought loved me.
What was once a good time, isn’t now.
What was once long beautiful hair, isn’t now.
What was once a best friend, isn’t now.
What was once the best job ever, isn’t now.
What was once my dreams, isn’t now.
What was once my weight, isn’t now.SHIT!
What was once my outlook on life, isn’t now.
What was once my temper, isn’t now.THANK GOD!
So many “what once was”….and that is just to name a few.
What Is:
What is, is a fresh new outlook
What is, is bigger and better dreams
What is, is my super fresh fohawk!
What is, is my new chill attitude (Close your mouth and you can hear so much more)
What is, is a shitty dating life. #truth
What is, is owning my own business
What is, is connecting with friends that “get it”
What is, is letting go of the past
What is, is believing I can do anything I attempt
Too many amazing “what is” to even list them all down.
What Could Be:
My next CA125 #’s being higher

This one scares the shit out of me! It’s really hard to explain how I have felt this past week. My emotions and stress were high.
I felt as if there were signs all around me. I had this overwhelming fear that something was wrong. I don’t know if you believe that we all have a inner spirit that talks to us but I sure do. I believe God sends messages and/or signs. Honestly, when I get this worked up inside like this…something always seems to happens. Sometimes it is exactly what I thought and sometimes it is something completely different. I spent the better part of 2 days crying when I was alone. What is it…? What was about to happen…? Is everything going so well just so I can be prepared for the next struggle? Why did I have that damn test done on a Friday!!!!! NEVER AGAIN!
Listening to your inner spirit (if you stay quiet long enough to hear it) can not only cause you anxiety but can also give you peace. I am happy to say that the stress over my numbers was misplaced, I got my results and my numbers held right where they were. YEA!(Follow up in 3 months). Was I crazy…? Was I just making shit up in my head this time and psyching myself out…? Haha, NOPE! I, in fact, had good reason to feel anxious. I have come to realize that the biggest stressers in life are cancer and freaking dudes. I swear, guys are just like cancer sometimes….if you let the wrong one infect you, it could kill you. That may be a little dramatic but I think that you understand what I am saying. (Dudes = the other silent killer) WHAT HAPPENED? You may be asking…..NOTHING thank God! Nothing more then wanting to believe that a guy could have some potential. He liked me…I liked him…oh wait! He apparently had other interest as well. (been there, done that, played the game…never again) The signs where there but I was to wrapped up in the numbers coming back that I totally didn’t see what was in front of me. (but hey, that’s why we date….to weed out the douch bags). There is nothing more liberating then realizing what a “sack of cancer” a guy is and being able to pick up your clutch and walk away without looking back. Bye-Felicia!!!!
I could write all day about this topic but I’ll save that for another blog. As for now….it’s time to celebrate!!!! Today September 3rd is my 2 year mark….2 years ago today I went in for my simple surgery and came out a different person. I want to celebrate life….My new life….! I have said it before, cancer in some crazy way blessed my life. It gave me things and people that I never would have had otherwise. Those people would have never happened had it not been for cancer, nor the lessons I’ve learned. I have learned how to give more of myself, love more, listen better and I have an ernest desire to be a better person, not only for myself but for everyone else.

Cheers to hitting the 2 year mark!!!
💙, Tracy

Have you heard of the superhero “The Voyce” ?

People ask me all the time who or what inspired me.   Inspiration is short lived if you do not surround yourself with things and people who live inspiring lives daily.   I set out years ago to want to inspire stylist and never did I imagine where life would take me and how many lives I would touch.    I wanted to write about someone that inspires so many and shows through his life and actions that you can do/be anything you want to be.   You may know Wayne “the Voyce” Matthews or maybe you have just heard of him. He is the amazing, wait…amazing doesn’t even begin to describe him😜. He is by far the BEST youth sports team announcer that has ever existed. Some of us know him personally and some just know the “voyce” behind the mic at the games. Either way, he is a man that touches so many live and probably has no idea about the masses that he reaches. I just read a post that he put up on Facebook telling the story of a young boy having troubles in life and school that Wayne had encouraged him along the way and how because of his words this boy wrote him years later thanking him for his kindness and guidance. How he was getting ready for college and looking at scholarships. It made me think back to when I would sit in the announcing booth with Wayne and watch him announce the game as I video taped it. After every game he would call the “players of the game” up to shake there hand, congratulate and take a picture. The excitement was obvious in these boys. Maybe not at that particular moment but as they left with there parents you could see and hear how excited they were. On several occasions Hunter “BOOM” Robinson (my personal MVP) was called up to the booth. As a parent I thought that I would explode with excitement, but of course I kept my cool and snapped the pictures like it was my job.   Hunter and Wayne is first season as a War Eagle (2015…5th grade)

Wayne’s love and devotion to the sport as well as to the kids is obvious to all that come across him. What many people probably don’t no or see is how wonderful and caring Wayne is when he isn’t behind the mic. When I first heard Wayne I remember tweeting “Gin and Juice are in the booth announcing the game”…within minutes he acknowledged it. Over the next few seasons he became familiar with who my kid was and was always so encouraging to him. We would say hello every time I would be in the booth but Wayne never really knew who I was. Until one VERY cold December football game. Yes, December! Those who know me will tell you that I attend every possible dance my daughters team performs at or football game Hunter plays in. Beginning the fall of 2015 season I was moving pretty slow post surgery but picked up my pace and recorded the games like always. Needless to say I had not a hair on my head much less by body. To the average player or parent they had no idea that I was sick and going through Chemo. Actually people would tell me how great I looked…I guess weight loss was one of the benefits😜. As the season went on and the temps dropped I moved my way back into the booth to record. During one of the last games Wayne looked over at me and said “momma…you need a tissue over there?” I was beyond mortified😱. I apparently had a nose that was leaking out of control. (You never really realize how important that nose hair is till you don’t have any) I really can’t remember what was said after that or if I even told him why I looked like a toddler with a runny nose. I think That I just went along my merry way all embarrassed. Lol. 
Shortly thereafter I started to hear from Wayne. We were friends on Facebook but he had not seen my post and blogs. I guess finally one day my post caught his attention and he realized what I had been going through. Wayne reached out in the most amazing way. Not just once, but many times. He was always so full of encouragement and admiration for me as a fighter as well as a mother. Here is the first note that I got from Wayne that made him not just a hero to those boys on the field, but also to this mom that was fighting to win her own game/fight. 

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You are INCREDIBLE!

I watched you run from pillar to post with these kids every weekend & NEVER ONCE.. Did I ever IMAGINE you were fighting illness.You are a SUPER WOMAN!!!I am AWESTRUCK right now!.. I Love Ya, Momma! If there is EVER anything I can do to make YOU smile tell me? Lol, WoW!Thank You for all the things YOU DO! It is appreciated so much. I hope you ENJOY the show Thursday.

I watched/followed Wayne on social media while he was working to build his career. Balancing his family life, work life and love of the sport. This man was ridiculously busy but took time out of his day time and time again to send me encouraging notes and Wonder Woman post. (If you had not of guessed it…just like the player on the field get nick names so did I, Wonder Woman) when Wayne left the league that I had met him in it saddened me but I knew he was growing larger in his own game. He had gotten his own radio show which I had the pleasure of being on several times. He would have the player on the show as well as guest speakers. I think I was probably more excited then any of the kids!!!! By this time I was working hard on my Leukemia Lymphoma Society’s Woman Of The Year campaign. I had excepted the nomination the day before my first chemo treatment to participate in this 10 week fund raiser. (I raised a total of $101,000.00 during those 10 weeks). Wayne was so supportive, he wanted not only people to hear my story but to also get the word out about my campaign. During the entire campaign he would constantly mention it on his show as well as post to his social media. Again, here is a man that I barely knew and was supporting me beyond belief. He even drove down to Purcellville Va for my final fundraising event. I hosted a “Duck Derby” where I adopted out 1000 rubber ducks and launched them into a pond to race to the finish. This was well over a hour drive for him but he did so with a big smile on his face and adoption cash in his hand.  
I am happy to say that Hunter’s LoCo War Eagle football team has joined up with the league that Wayne moved to. I am so excited that we will not only be given the chance to listen to the entertaining announcing of the games again but that Hunter will have such and amazing roll model to play in front of. I truly do not think that Wayne has any idea impact that he has had on me or my family. He would tell me that my fight inspired him….yet he inspired me every day. I love this little clip of a encouraging note he sent. 
“I was So Mad when I found out.. but Now, I’m blessed by it. Because I saw what YOU BECAME!”   (My family felt the same way when he left our football organization) 

 I am sure that I am not alone in my appreciation for just how wonderful he is to not just our sons but to everyone he comes in contact with. To me….Wayne is a true superhero to not just me, but to youth sports….maybe just here in the DMV today, but I don’t just believe….I KNOW that it will be around the country one day soon.  
Thank You Wayne “the Voyce” Mathews

❤️, The Robbie’s 

Open letter to my guest ❤️

❄️Sharing my holiday letter that I sent out to my guest.   I LOVE my profession and my amazing guest make it a true joy to go to work everyday❄️

WOW…what a year! I cannot believe that it’s almost 2017. (What’s actually unbelievable is that I am getting this letter out to you before Christmas…barely😱) I cannot even begin to explain how grateful I am to be surrounded by so many amazing, supportive people (So I wrote you a poem). I always tell our new assistants that I have the best guests of anyone in the salon, and I mean it! You make my job even more awesome than it already is. 2017 is going to be an amazing year! Let’s kick it off right with some great salon rewards 😉 (listed below). Because of all of my amazing guests, I have won “Best Hairstylist of Loudoun County” for the past two years, fingers crossed that we can make it a straight three in a row. If you haven’t already, please take just a moment and vote now… #BestGiftEver  
http://northernvatimes.secondstreetapp.com/l/best-of-loudoun-2017/Ballot/BeautyWellness

Happy Holidays, 

Tracy

 Jan: 
“BoGo” Buy one hair product / get one 1/2 off.

 Feb: ❤

Show some love…. Refer a friend and receive a $25.00 product credit.   

 🔴Receive 25% off product🔴

Share your amazing experience @ Rain Salon on Yelp and receive 25% off you next retail purchase.  

 (This is an exclusive offer to my guest only…You must mention this letter upon checkout to insure you receive the special)

Hair Is There, Skin Is In, TEAL Is Real! VH (a intimate look into our world)

Today marks one year to the day that my head was shaved.  No words can express what this video does so I thought I would share part of the journey and pain of this crazy road we have been on.  Cancer begins the day they tell you that you have it…..I don’t think it ever goes away.   It’s what you choose to do and how you handle it that makes all the difference.  

• I have written three blog sense the last one​​​​….it’s hard to explain why it’s hard to post.   For every one bad remark I get, there are 20 good ones and if I help to inspire just one of those 20 to have courage and strength then it’s all worth it!
• The struggle is real and continues as I go back to Johns Hopkins this Tuesday to address recent issues that have come up. CA125 numbers (cancer #’s) up but appear to be flagging problems in other organs as result of initial surgery.  WTF!  Taking the kids with me this time.  Apparently it has twisted Mak that she feels the last to know everything.   My bad….just trying to protect the minions😜.  Just hoping that they have a easy answer to relieve to stress and constant pain in my stomach.   (I have developed an ‘angry pimple’ as Mak calls them, I’m blaming it on the stress😜).    I have something planned for Mak and Hunter when we go up there….Makenzie will be reading this as soon as she wakes up so all I can say is that the oncology ward is such a gloomy place that I want to put smiles on as many peoples faces as we can 😉

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  ​Our video is not ment to make you sad….In fact I want all who see it to be encouraged and feel the strength that the kids gave me while shaving my head.  It was truly a life changing experience.  One that none of us will EVER forget.  Much thanks and love to Nichole for filming this for me.  I’m sure it wasn’t easy watching but she did with much love.  (Not to mention she kept my wine glass full!  Cheers🍷) 

Much love, T y

MOMMA SAID THERE’D BE DAYS LIKE THIS😥

 Happy 1yr anniversary to me….wait, is every anniversary suppose to be happy one? Is this traditionally a sad day,a bad day….Am I suppose to celebrate the day they discovered that I had cancer and removed it?🤔 I’m SO confused! WTF!!! Yep, I said the “f” word…well abbreviated it but I think it’s still ok to use because it’s about cancer. 

I thought that as this one year mark drew closer it would be such a happy time. I thought that it would mark some amazing milestone for me. Well it isn’t and it didn’t! It has been full of anxiety and fear. You can’t see it, you won’t hear it (clearly you can read it) but it’s there. Why? Why haven’t I found that peace I thought I would? I have so many amazing things going for me….my family is great, work is amazing, great friends, best clients and coworkers I could ever wish for, my goal to spread the word about this silent killer has exceeded my expectations by being featured in Virginia Womans Magazine awareness issue along with the awareness cards I made up and have been disturbing to salons and businesses. I think that I have thrown myself into raising cancer awareness, raising money for cancer research and my passion for inspiring stylist to achieve greatness personally and professionally that I never took the time to think about healing myself inside. Those closest to me on a daily basis may see and understand what I am talking about. I wish that I could explain it to those who don’t understand why I feel the way I do. I guess the best way is to say I feel like the hammer is ready to come down at any moment…..like I’m going to the principals office for a spanking and not knowing when or what time that will be. (Yes, true story….in private school they use to spank kids and I was suppose to be spanked for drooling/spitting on my friends paper. (Clearly remember I was in like 3rd grade and seeing how far my drool could go before sucking it in…..classy right😝). I waited all day knowing they were going to do it only to be asked “did anyone come get you to go to the office today?”). Thank God my mom saw how jacked up that was and stopped the madness. Sadly the stress and anxiety of that follows me and is how I compare how I feel today. Just waiting for the next hammer to drop⚒.  (Pls don’t confuse this with a negative attitude….this is my inner fear)This experience has brought so many changes in my life. Wether you are a survivor, parent of a lost child, lost spouse, loved one, ptsd….ANY life altering experience, you know what I’m talking about. Changes can be good and bad….I have been faced with both. When I think about what I would tell someone that had cancer and had to go through chemo, it would be to prepare them for the aftermath. It’s like giving birth….no one told me what “could happen” and it wasn’t until I was walking my dog with my baby in my arms and started hemorrhaging that anyone even thought to tell me that in the event u had residual placenta in your uterus this would happen. (To me….I thought I was dying and Mike wouldn’t make it home from the hospital in time to say goodbye) maybe TMI but setting this up…..No one made me aware of what happens after the cancer/chemo is gone. I chose a path that most don’t take….I was loud and am very proud about my fight against cancer. I made a commitment to bring awareness to this silent killer as well as cancer in general. #fuckcancer Some took that as a self centered act….I asked people to help me raise money for my campaign….that was viewed as selfish. I didn’t want to sit around, drink and listen to your first world problem of the week…I threw myself into my work and wanting to help others in my profession…bonded with like minded people to raise money and bring awareness to cancer…

Here is what I can tell you about my journey…..I HAVE CHANGED! I’m not perfect…far from it😁! I have made some major mistakes this past year…but in reality, haven’t we all??? Do our mistakes define us…? HELL NO! They shape us when we are willing to learn from them. I have watched the closest of friends become the most distant….the most distant come to be the closest. Sound kinda crazy right….? Sadly it is statistically on point and that shit sucks! What is even worse is that I have watched my kids go through the same thing. YES! For the love of God…..they were faced with thinking there mom would die. They were emotional…expressed themselves in different ways. I tried to reach out to parents of friends to try to get them to understand but was ignored by some. WTH! How could they be so closed minded and cold? I wasn’t asking for a freaking pardon from death row….I was asking for them to look at it through our eyes. (God forbid they ever have to live our hell).  Im not living in the “now”….I live in the land of wanting “no regrets”.  One thing this experience has done for me is to give me the ability to look at situations in such a different way.  (Why is something happening, what reason is something happening and how will I “choose” to react to what happens)  I want to be known for “all things good” (love this saying by Geno😉)  but pls know that I am not perfect.


I think this post may top the charts of my “low point” blogs. Not trying to come off that way. If I could list my positives the list would be 100 pages long. I am so grateful for so many people and things that have happened to me. That outer circle of friends has become an amazing inner circle. Things and people that I never thought I would ever impact…I have impacted greatly. The greatest rewards have come in the most unexpected packages. (That’s a whole separate blog😉) 
I have been writing this post for the last three evenings….not sure if I was going to put it out there but honestly, I want the struggles to be known. For that person going through what I did and am going through…maybe this is something they need to read. I am real, I am human, I have my good days and my bad. I see things completely different and my priorities are different then they were a year ago. If I had a crystal ball I would love to see where I will be next Sept 3rd. Till then I’m going to put on my big girl pants and keep pushing forward. Despite the crazy that I was dealt I am very aware of the gift of life that came as well. So….judge me…love me…feel however you may want to feel about me, but my fight is stronger then any one of my bad days. My commitment to bring awareness to this “silent killer “wasn’t just words are year ago… It’s now my reality and mission.    

As I reflect back to last September I owe so many people so much thanks…. My family, coworkers, friends, clients, my community, and even complete strangers. Wether you played a small roll or a big roll….they were all huge to me and the kids. I may never have the opportunity to pay everyone back personally but know that I am paying it forward every chance I get. Much love and thanks to all of you.   
💙,T

The Gift Of Beacon 2016

Wow! It seems like forever and today since my last blog. Initially it was intentional because what I had to say I wasn’t ready for my kids to hear/know the fact that my genetic testing revealed that I have 2 cancer genes lurking in my body😱. The statistics is that 1 out of 3 people will develop cancer….now add that these genes add another 33% likelihood to myself. Holy Shit! That kinda made me nervous and I did not want to have my kids living daily wondering if/when it could happen. Hopefully never….hopefully I am buying so good juju with the amount of work I am doing to help fight and fund cancer research. But enough talk of what could happen….just going to keep my fingers crossed and live life😉.  
So, do I backdate and put up blogs that I had written in the past months or do I start today???? I say start today😉 

I just spent the most amazing weekend in Vegas at NAHA ( North America Hairstylist Awards ) and Beacon. Beacon is an event where future professionals or newer professionals in our industry compete for a chance to come to Las Vegas to attend the awards show as well as a three-day amazing bash consisting of the industry’s finest and most successful leaders including my personal favorite Geno Stampora😉. This was not my first Beacon with Geno but I have to say defined my favorite. Not only was I asked to sit on a “all star”😁 panel of our industries finest, I was also able to connect with so many of the winner/attendees. During the kick off on Saturday Geno introduced me and gave a brief history of my accomplishments in the industry as well as the battle I had just overcome. The students were so amazing with the reception that they gave me. My eyes welled up with tears as they stood and clapped for me. Some people may not view my struggle as a major one…some may say that I didn’t have cancer very long or go through chemo long enough to hurt. These people, my industry people got it on several levels. I knew immediately that they understood what not only the cancer could have done to me…what losing my hair as a stylist did to me, but also what having 3 major surgeries and undergoing chemo in one swoop could have done to my career. Had I of not fought back and said #fckcancer I probably would have lost everything! I was able to connect with many of these students over the next few days. I heard story after story of why they wanted to be stylist and the struggles they had overcame. I realized then how fucking (sorry mom) strong both emotionally and physically we as industry pros are. This was a group of new professionals that have struggled to get where they are today despite death, anorexia, prison, abuse, cancer, social disorders, depression, insecurities….the list and stories were endless. (We are a colorful interesting group 😉). Choking back the tears while listening to many of them was hard, but the amount of love and respect I had for them grew person to person. I seriously think there should be a “people or Beacon” E True Hollywood story made! What is so awesome is that these are the struggles that wether they know it or not that is going to propel them to success. Success does not come without its struggles! 

Fast forward to Monday….I had the the honor or sitting on this panel of industry icons. I had chatted with Phillip Wilson l the evening before, ( #twinning ) I shared with him a bit more of my story including the over $100k that I had just raised in my “Woman Of The Year” campaign with the Leukemia Lymphoma Society. He asked if people/panel knew about this and I said no. He said that we would sit together and that we would make sure that everyone knew. As I sat on stage and it came closer to my turn I was full of emotions. I wanted to seriously get up and do back flips across the stage at the fact that I was sitting with Phillip Wilson and Nicholas French as my bookends and Christopher Dove just a few people down. If your not in my industry then you won’t get that this is pretty exciting shit! Anyways… Larry Curtis (thank you for this honor) got to me and asked me a question. Honestly, I don’t remember the exact question but it had to do with dealing with struggles and staying motivated I think. I honestly couldn’t tell you what the first part of what I said was…my voice was cracking like Peter Brady from the Brady Bunch when he was singing about change’n and rearrange’n. Lol I tried to put lip gloss on right before he got to me but had to abort that mission cuz my hand was shaking so bad I feared I would paint my face. Talking I front of a 300+ person room is hard enough but add my other panel peeps…Lordy! So…I’m getting out my thoughts and Phillip says “Tell Them” I say, “I’m going to cry” he says again “Tell them”…..he put his hand on mine and I felt this immediate strength💙. I told my story and the entire room erupted with cheers and a standing ovation. The entire panel on there feet clapping for me. I could see Geno in the back of the room clapping for me, Mary Wilson had the most caring look in her eyes as I looked at her, Christopher Dove with the biggest smile ever and Todd Kane with “Love Out Lavender” looking at me as proud as ever. Looking into the audience I see tears in the eyes of so many students. Were they happy, sad, empowered, inspired??? I think is was so different for everyone of them. Maybe they needed to feed off of my strength…maybe they realized that they had the strength within them and had not put it to use, maybe…..the possibilities are endless! 

Honestly I was left somewhat speechless after it all. ( I know…me speechless 😱). The overwhelming response I received was beyond my expectation. I shared smiles, tears, laughter, stories with so many of these students. They all thanked me for my story and told me what it had done for them. Steve Gomez said to me at the beginning of Beacon that the students get so much out of it, but that it is such an amazing experience and how much the speakers and panel members love and appreciate what they get out of being there with these 300+ amazing people. He was SO right!!!! You see….as much as everyone felt that I did and what I gave to them with my story, they have no idea what they did for me. 7/26/2016 will FOREVER be a day that I will remember! The day that I got the most amazing gift ever!!! The next time Larry Curtis ask me what keeps me motivated on bad days I will be able to tell him “the gift/feeling that you and 300+ other people gave me at Beacon 2016”! I have worked my ass off to over the past 2.5 yrs to pursue a passion of motivating and inspiring stylist….I was knocked down and came back swinging harder then ever! I blogged before that to hear the words “because of you, I didn’t quit” would be my greatest reward for fighting so hard. Monday I heard many times over how my story gave them strength, how they knew that they would remember me and not quit ❤️. So, Thank You Beacon 2016 attendees, Larry for including me, Geno for everything you do (and not giving up on me) Phillip for your strength on stage and the panel for such love and support! You will all forever be considered a major key in my strength and motivation.  

I LOVE MY INDUSTRY!!!
💙, T

HOLY #SNOWMAGEDDON2016 !!!

  What…? A blizzard is coming our way? The biggest we have seen in many years they say😳! You would have thought Armageddon was about to happen. Gas station with unbelievable lines, even running out of fuel to sell. Grocery store shelves empty of water and bread days before, but thankfully the booze isle was plentiful. 

  I couldn’t believe all the insanity!!! Now….if u lived way out there or atop of a mountain then you had better stock up like you were the #lastmanonearth cuz you weren’t going to see a plow for many….many days. I began to think of how people reacted to the fact that they would be stuck in there houses for a few days. What if we were told that we had a few days to live…..that we were diagnosed with a illness that was going to change our lives for ever…..or God forbid that they were told that there days were numbered. How would one act? Would we rush to get the shopping done….do everything that we should have already done….put thought into the things we never thought we would have to??? Why do we wait…why do we procrastinate…why don’t we live life everyday like it could be our last?   

Two years ago I made the decision to want to be apart of something….I wanted to give back and teach my kids the Importance and rewards of doing for others. I just wasn’t sure what cause we would support. Thankfully we have never had anything horrible happen to a loved one. ( just natural causes of death really). I found myself drawn to cancer charities. Blood…Breast…childhood brain tumors….all cancer causes. NEVER in my wildest dreams did I EVER think that I would have my very own cancer cause to support in the very near future. What would I have done different had I of known what was to come? Well….you had better believe that I would have done ANY and EVERYTHING possible to help find a cure. I didn’t know….so I did nothing. My decision to get involved into finding a cure for all types of cancer came to late. No…I alone would not have ever found the cure but my actions or donations sure would have helped. I understand now why the few years leading up to my diagnosis led me to cancer research organizations. I beat my cancer!!! I have a new start and new outlook on EVERYTHING! There will be no more waiting….why the hell did I not get involved earlier? I have been given the opportunity to do something on such a larger scale then I ever dreamed of! 

 Being nominated for the “National Leukemia/Lymphoma Society’s Man/Woman Of The Year 2016” ( LLS MWOY) was possibly the biggest challenge/privilege that I have ever been given. NOW is my time to do everything I can to help find a cure. L/L may not be my cancer, but the work/research that they do just might find the cure to not only L/L but to many other cancers including #ovariancancer. I have chosen to dedicate my campaign to two very special people. Gina and Iliana…a mother and daughter that were both diagnosed with L/L 6 weeks apart. Ironically…..all three of us were diagnosed around the same time. (as well as lost our hair the same time😱) I was asked to be a candidate for MWOY the day before my first chemo….15 days later I ran into Gina and Josh and shared with them what I was also going through. Not a day goes by that my thoughts and heart don’t go out to them. Gina and Iliana are still in treatment but expected to beat this disease. Besides my own personal reasons for wanting to be apart of this campaign I think that Gina and Iliana were meant to be apart of it with me❤️. They (as well as there family) deserve to be honored for there strength and amazing attitudes towards fighting there disease.     
My question to everyone is….how prepared are you for the storm? It may never hit your town…. But what if it does? Will you know that you have done everything possible to prepare yourself, friends and family? I for one am ready to buy a monster snowblower!!! I will never again be able to say that I didn’t prepare for the unexpected storm.     
March 24th is the #LLS #MWOY2016 campaign kickoff. (Kids…mom will be home in 10 weeks😽) Your chance to prepare for the unexpected storm. Please join me in supporting this cause….if you would like to be apart of this and my campaign please contact me. The rewards of knowing that you are/were apart of something this great are endless. Wether you are a corporation that would like to sponsor/support my fundraising campaign….a business that would like to support or donate items for raffles/silent auction… Or just a individual that has the desire, time, ideas, creativity, contacts …. (Any or all of the above) to make a difference in finding a cure….Please reach out, would love to have the help and support.    
Before I sip my last bit of wines and go to bed….I raise my glass and say “cheers to Gina & Iliana” you are loved by so many and have NO idea how many people are working/fighting to find a cure.  

MWOY.org

💙, Tracy

“What Was I Saying???”

  
Happy (belated) New Years!!!

I have gotten so many notes/text/calls asking when I would blog again. Truth be told… This is actually pretty hard for me to write. First of all….I am a hairstylist (best job ever btw), not a English major or anyone who actually has ever written more then long love letters to her x-husband while he was away while in the Army. Once I got past the fact that I would be putting my heart and thoughts out there in a way that I never had, I then struggled with knowing I would be critiqued for my grammar, spelling and punctuation. (Who has time for spell check…blah!) Then…..there is the fact that I have to be in just the right mood with the emotions and time to write. When I had the emotions there was no time (or something came along and tilted my mood to change things. Insert kid drama/fussy baby daddy/bills etc) When there was time I have tried to do everything possible to not think about having cancer hence not writing. Ugh! Which leads me to explain where I stand emotionally with everything. Ever sense I received the news that my CA125 numbers were within normal range I felt as though I could start to get my life back. But I did not realize is that I don’t have it back yet. I am left with scars both physically and mentally that I was not prepared for. I find myself going back to the emotional struggles I had with my second treatment. A mind is a crazy thing… The power it can have both good and bad I think I’ve experienced throughout all of this. First of all looking into the mirror every day I still see cancer… Every time I touch my head I feel cancer. it’s safe to say I have always been a relatively confident person😁 so these feelings of insecurity Are playing with my mind on a daily basis.  

 
   If you have spent any time with me during this process it’s safe to say you got a good dose of my chemo brain. That was the weirdest shit ever…! I thought it was all subsiding and I was getting my thoughts together until the second wave has come along and hit me. #whambam Who knows, maybe it was a hysterectomy and what follows that… Maybe it was the chemo. There is this absolute weird confusion that goes on in my head. It’s kind of hard to explain but I feel as though I wake up every day and have to piece together my thoughts. What did I say… What did I do… What did I dream? Crazy right??? Jesus, as if I don’t have enough obstacles to jump through to find a boyfriend…..Now I’m going crazy! Ugh! On the bright side….. I am confident the cause is because of this perfect storm they created when the doc rearranged my insides. It too shall pass….I hope😜.   

   As New Year’s approached I was excited to be starting out fresh in 2016. I had one last test to do on New Year’s eve at the oncologist. (BRCA) we went over the normal basic stuff and then I showed them my surgical scar. (it had began seeping out liquid and blood the night before) The nurse literally stood up and said “umm….hold on a minute I’ll be right back”. When she came back into the room she told me I needed to go straight to the emergency room. They thought that I had an infection and if so I would be admitted. WTH! My response was of course “I have plans tonight can’t this wait till tomorrow? “. Apparently it couldn’t so off I went after my test. 6 hours later a CT and $2000… They slapped a Band-Aid on me and sent me home. They called it a surgical tear…(scar was ripping from the inside) So crisis averted and I was able to bring in the new year with some great friends and Hunter.    

 I have to say…. Aside from a little cracra😜 2016 is looking good so far😉. I feel confident that my BRAC test results will come back negative.  
 Work is INSANELY busy💇🏼. I couldn’t ask for better coworkers or clients. Feeling truly blessed every day I go to work.   
Got to go to my first #wizards game the other weekend and had a blast! Thank you Mikey😉.  
 Getting things organized and ready to kick off the “man / woman of the year ” campaign with the National leukemia/lymphoma society. Can’t tell you how excited I am to be apart of this campaign!!! I have some great friend working with me on this and I know they will find it as rewarding as I am certain I will.   
So now for possible the best news EVER…MY HAIR IS STARTING TO GROW! You have never seen someone so happy that they had to shave there arm pits. Ok… Maybe overstate but this is good shit!!!! I am fuzzy like a chia-pet😁. Can’t wait to have enough to ditch the hat…. Or at the very minimum keep my melon warm. Now when the hair on my legs start growing I won’t be as happy about that. Lol  

 

 Mak says “game on”. It’s growing!! 

 So let me wrap this up by reminding you that I am still confused from time to time. ( well a lot of the time ). Please be patient with me. I am not ignoring your text or calls….it just may take me more time then normal to get back to you. I hope this blog not only keeps you up to date on what’s going on but that when another #ovariancancer survivor is reading this she may find comfort in knowing her feelings and emotions are shared by other OC patients.   

I want to put a huge shout out to Makenzie and Hunter for being such amazing kids and supportive through all of this. They have taken all of my ups and downs and given me no troubles. They have been to me everything I have needed them to be 💙 I Love You Guys!!! 💙
💙, T

ALL I WANTED FOR CHRISTMAS🎄……I GOT! 💙

  
 
What a world wind these past few weeks have been. I waited for the three long weeks following my last chemo session to find out the result of my CA125 test (cancer numbers😜). I was a nervous wreck inside leading up to it. I went into my initial surgery so confident that all I had was a little cyst and BAM!!! I had cancer😢. Sorry if I seem like “Debbie Downer” but I had myself totally prepared to hear bad news. I guess if you go in expecting bad news, you can’t be disappointed. Probably….Unlikely….two adjectives that don’t set well with me. I went into the office that Friday nervous but ready to hear whatever it is they had to reveal. As I sat there talking to my chemo buddy😉 and waiting for the results I felt like a kid waiting for Santa. Anxious and nervous at the same time. The nurse sat the paper in front of me and I quickly scanned it looking for the numbers that were important. I WAS AT 25! 25 is my new favorite number!!!! 0-30 is normal….. I was within normal range. My eyes welled up with tear and I could see that my friend was also very happy for me. My heart breaks that she is such a wonderful, beautiful woman that is only treatable and not curable. Yet… She was right there and was happy for me 💙. I left the office that day and knew I wanted to tell everyone my news but wanted to make it a good announcement. I headed straight to the mall and asked Santa Claus if he would take a picture with me. I had made a sign to hold with my news… I pulled it out of my purse and told Santa and his helpers where I had just come from and asked if I could take a picture with him. I offered to pay but they wouldn’t hear of it. As I sat with Santa it was kind of funny as families rolled up and there children noticed my shirt. “Daddy look at what her shirt says “….. ( #fuckcancer )Ok, maybe the word “fuck” wasn’t something you normally associate with taking your child to see Santa, but in this case when it says “fuck cancer” it’s funny how people respond. As that child’s parents passed me that dad gave me a low five and said “like the shirt”. Crisis averted…. I wasn’t the vulgar lady sitting with santa🎅🏻.      
What a way to go into the holidays!!!! I was given the “Christmas Miracle”💙. It’s hard to explain my feeling and emotions after finding out the good news….Is what I am feeling normal??? I am beyond happy with my results….yet why do I still doubt? Why am I still scared? Is there a reason or is it just me? Does anyone else feel this way? Who do I even ask without sounding ungrateful? Maybe it is because I am suppose to feel suddenly healed and whole again, yet I don’t. WHY DON’T I?!!! Ugh!   

  The world wind of question in my head is overwhelming. I am sure that many, if not most people in my position have all of these same feelings. Despite all of these insane feelings I do know what sets me apart. I have the ability to rationally think about things when I choose to. Maybe I still feel this way because EVERY DAY I wake up and still see cancer. I still see what it did to me. I still notice that I have a real problem looking at people in the eyes because of my insecurities from this craziness. How will I ever pursue my passion for inspiring stylist/people and becoming a speaker? If u haven’t noticed this shit is insanely scary. I’m no better or no stronger then any other cancer patient…. What I am is better prepared to deal with all of this. One day when I finally lay out my timeline of the past 2-3 years and how everything had happened, it will make it more clear of how/where my attitude has come from.    My #1 Inspirations!    (Taken the day Before the Dr called to tell me I may have cancer)

Here is what I (rational Tracy) do know….1-Attitude is everything! 2-the chemo side effects will go away eventually. 3-my hair will grow and the cancer visual will go away. 4-I will gains ever bit of confidence back, as a matter a fact will probably come back stronger then ever! *5* – I do know that none of this is in vain! Even at these early stages I see the impact that I have made on many peoples lives with my story. Never in my wildest dreams would I think that I would hear from so many people much less the overwhelming number of strangers that contact me. It is so rewarding to know that I have had such a positive impact on people’s lives. Whether it is because they are going through what I am, or have gone through it, or maybe because they’re going through something completely different in life but see something in me that helps and pushes them through. Any or all of that…. It gives me the strength and courage to keep pushing….to keep the positive attitude. None of this is in vein. It DOES/MUST HAVE a purpose.   

 ALL I WANTED FOR CHRISTMAS🎄…..I GOT!🎁 My family and I couldn’t have asked for anything more.   
We all have choices to make….I have shared with you how many questions I have and the insecurities I am left with. I have CHOSEN to believe that everything will be fine. The hair will grow…the scars will begin to fade and I will feel whole again. This is all temporary, not to mention life changing. Merry Christmas to all of my family, friends and complete strangers that have been apart of this journey💙 

 T